Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World



Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

Enlarging your world
Mad World.

- Roland Orzabal

You start in a room. There seems to be almost no light from where you stand. It’s a little dim, and you find yourself squinting to adjust to the darkness. Your hands extend in front of your body, slowly groping to make your way around the room.

Then you trip.

And you fall.

Then you get up.

The room is now pitch black. Your eyes are open, yet it feels like you’ve got them tightly closed. Squinting is no longer an option. So you close your eyes. It’s funny how your body is so acustomed to automated responses. You laugh and you listen as your laughter bounces off the walls in an almost mocking manner. You start fumbling around yourself for a source of light; perhaps a box of matches, a lighter. Fuck, how you wish you had a cigarette right now. Not so much for the light, but for the company.

It seemed so long ago that cigarettes under street lamps were enough to pacify the loneliness. The smoke that dances around your fingers enthralled you for infinity. It didn’t matter if there wasn’t a place to sit, you’d sit by the road. It didn’t matter if people stared as they usually did, you’d smile back.

You stand still and tilt your head upwards. You have no idea where the darkness ends. Almost like an upside down abyss.

Where does it end?

Yet.

I stand at the edge of a balcony, that overlooks the city. The building has to be at least 32-storeys high. I'm not sure, I always fail to pay attention to the little details that are seemingly important.

Reminds me of the time I didn't know you threw up.

I look down. I see the cars speeding on the highway. It's a Saturday night, it's no surprise that everyone's out - racing to get to the best spots in town. I'd join them, but it wasn't the right time.

I feel the wind blowing through my hair. It tickles and I shiver from the tingle it sends down my spine.

I look up and beyond the cars and see the city at its prettiest. The lights that illuminate the hardness of its body gives it a new life. At this time of day, it towers beautifully - watching over the happy, the sad, the lonely.

I still feel the wind in my hair, and I still shiver from the tingles. I think of the life that I have lived and questioned if it was good, if it was worth it, if it was enough.

As hard as I try, I am too tired to answer my questions. To answer my thoughts. I try to recall the happy moments that kept me overflowing with laughter, and the sorrow that kept me overflowing with tears.

But all I could think of is

to

jump

.

Sometimes we just need to look up to the skies to remind us that there is something out there for us.

That there is something worth waiting for.

That in turn, is waiting for us too.

It won't be just another fruitless journey.

P/S: I'm right behind you.

Out of nowhere I was there
But you took your time
No one thought that I could get you
Then they changed their minds

You know that I have a perfect plan
Drown in each other like only lovers can
Something is bound to come your way
And I'll watch you run astray

Walk amongst the others
Clearly state your aim
Slide beneath the covers
And I will say your name

In the city, crowds run wild
Like ants on a farm
Villains may commit their crimes
But I won't do you harm

You know that I have a perfect plan
Drown in each other like only lovers can
Something is bound to come your way
And I'll watch you run astray

Like only lovers can.

I lie here looking at you thinking about the people we could have become, and how much more we might have been able to grow together. If we had been a little more patient with each other, and with others, where would we be now?

Never a day goes by that I do not regret the day it did not rain, because we were always the most beautiful then. We shared the same affinity for the darker side of the world, when the night sky was out and everyone else was asleep. I remember how we would walk away into the deep silence, not needing to speak because words were not our language.

We never saw the sunlight, or the blue skies. We never felt the need to step out after the rain, because that was us and I knew even then that there would be no other like you. Our happiest times were the cold, wet, winter nights that would make us get out of bed to stand in the rain just to feel it fall on our faces. I would feel most at peace at those moments because I knew you were beside me and I would listen to you through each drop that holds your whispers. We were living in a dream within my nightmare.

I didn't know it would be the last time I would stand in the soggy dusk with you or touch the dirt in our hands together. On that stark white morning when you stepped out in the open was the day you left me to go your separate way. You couldn't love the night like how I loved you anymore. You never wanted to run your fingers through the storm again. You left me with your haunting gaze as you swallowed everything I ever owned and had given you.

I don't want to pick up, or be the sun rays that would eventually shine through the clouds of rain. In our world, you and I both know there is no other way to go about it. Because you are my anchor as I am yours, and I will go down when you do.

I watch you lie peacefully in that pure white bed and watch my life stain across your body. I never want you to be free, and I never want to be free from you. You are mine as the hours of darkness will be ours forever.

So, I lie here looking at you thinking about the people we could have become, and how much more we might have been able to grow together. If we had been a little more patient with each other, and with others, where would we be now?

Is it me or you? Either or, we seem to share more than a bitter outlook to things. We’re only happy when it’s bright out, or when we’ve got our feet soaked in the sea.

We’re dreamers, aren’t we? We find peace only when we stare out into the horizon, feeling smaller than usual in this big place. The breeze from car rides does a better job at soothing our soul than watery chicken soup. You and me, we opt for the other things in life to keep a smile plastered.

Daily routine is mundane and tiring. We feel weary of the same old habits. Broken resolutions, screaming matches, plastered hearts. So habitual, it’s become conversation openers to ask each other, is it worth it? Hiding behind optimistic masks, we reply with knowing smiles, of course, at least soon.

Cold nights, aching hearts, we feel most alone when we’re not. It’s funny when you think about it. We laugh in the melancholic silence of the smoky room.

Is it just us? You and me? Me and you?

Hazy days, grey shades, it doesn’t matter. Take comfort in knowing that we can’t be that lonely in this world.

After all, we’ve got each other.