Mad World

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World



Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

Enlarging your world
Mad World.

- Roland Orzabal

You start in a room. There seems to be almost no light from where you stand. It’s a little dim, and you find yourself squinting to adjust to the darkness. Your hands extend in front of your body, slowly groping to make your way around the room.

Then you trip.

And you fall.

Then you get up.

The room is now pitch black. Your eyes are open, yet it feels like you’ve got them tightly closed. Squinting is no longer an option. So you close your eyes. It’s funny how your body is so acustomed to automated responses. You laugh and you listen as your laughter bounces off the walls in an almost mocking manner. You start fumbling around yourself for a source of light; perhaps a box of matches, a lighter. Fuck, how you wish you had a cigarette right now. Not so much for the light, but for the company.

It seemed so long ago that cigarettes under street lamps were enough to pacify the loneliness. The smoke that dances around your fingers enthralled you for infinity. It didn’t matter if there wasn’t a place to sit, you’d sit by the road. It didn’t matter if people stared as they usually did, you’d smile back.

You stand still and tilt your head upwards. You have no idea where the darkness ends. Almost like an upside down abyss.

Where does it end?

Yet.

I stand at the edge of a balcony, that overlooks the city. The building has to be at least 32-storeys high. I'm not sure, I always fail to pay attention to the little details that are seemingly important.

Reminds me of the time I didn't know you threw up.

I look down. I see the cars speeding on the highway. It's a Saturday night, it's no surprise that everyone's out - racing to get to the best spots in town. I'd join them, but it wasn't the right time.

I feel the wind blowing through my hair. It tickles and I shiver from the tingle it sends down my spine.

I look up and beyond the cars and see the city at its prettiest. The lights that illuminate the hardness of its body gives it a new life. At this time of day, it towers beautifully - watching over the happy, the sad, the lonely.

I still feel the wind in my hair, and I still shiver from the tingles. I think of the life that I have lived and questioned if it was good, if it was worth it, if it was enough.

As hard as I try, I am too tired to answer my questions. To answer my thoughts. I try to recall the happy moments that kept me overflowing with laughter, and the sorrow that kept me overflowing with tears.

But all I could think of is

to

jump

.

Sometimes we just need to look up to the skies to remind us that there is something out there for us.

That there is something worth waiting for.

That in turn, is waiting for us too.

It won't be just another fruitless journey.

P/S: I'm right behind you.